Motherhood changes everything—our bodies, our priorities, our sleep schedules, and yes… our sense of self. Somewhere between snack duty and school drop-offs, a lot of us start to wonder: Who am I now, outside of “mom”?
And while being a mother is one of the most meaningful roles we’ll ever play, it shouldn’t be the only one. Keeping our identity alive isn’t selfish—it’s what makes us whole. It’s what allows us to show up fully for our families and for ourselves.
Over the years, I’ve found three small-but-powerful ways to stay connected to who I am as a woman—not just a mom. And today, I’m sharing them with you.
3 Ways to Keep Your Identity While Being a Mom
Honestly, this is a concept that I have personally tussled with for years, and something that I’ve been wanting to write about. I’ve struggled with having a very fine line between myself and being a mom because what I do for a living for so many years was so entangled in motherhood. I would say that over the last few years, though, as the kids have gotten a little bit older, I’ve been able to establish my own identity again.
I’m excited to share a few, very simple things I do so that I can keep my identity outside of motherhood.
Experience New Things (with your partner—or on your own)
Becoming a parent doesn’t mean hitting pause on the rest of your life. In fact, it’s so important to keep growing, evolving, and trying new things—even if your free time is limited.
For me and my husband, that means travel and discovering new restaurants together. Whether it’s a big trip to Vegas or a spontaneous date night at a local spot we’ve never tried, those shared experiences remind me that we’re still us—a couple with curiosity, inside jokes, and a shared love for something other than our grocery list. Blake has been asking me a lot lately why we’ve traveled without her and Branden and my answer is always “because we’re people outside of being parents and need to have time to just be us!”
And when it’s just me? I’ve learned the power of solo time, too. Even grabbing a coffee and walking through a bookstore alone can feel like a mini reset. As I’ve gotten older, solo time has become such a non-negotiable part of my life.
Try this:
- Plan a monthly “new experience” date—solo or with your partner.
- Take a local cooking class, go hiking, try pottery, or explore a nearby town.
- Say “yes” to something that excites you (even if it slightly scares you).
You deserve to collect memories that don’t just belong in the baby book.
Make Time for Hobbies Outside of Work
We all know how easy it is to get stuck in a loop of work, parenting, chores, repeat. But carving out time for something you enjoy just because—with no deadline, no expectation, and no end goal—can be game-changing.
Whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, baking, running, or learning a new language, hobbies remind us that we’re still creative, curious people with interests beyond our responsibilities. For me, I weight lift 3-4 times per week and work towards getting my 10k steps in each day. This is my hobby. I love looking at the data on my FitBit, analyzing it, and using it to improve my health.
And guess what? Your kids seeing you do something you love teaches them it’s okay to prioritize themselves, too.
Try this:
- Make a “hobby hour” once a week—even if it’s 30 minutes after bedtime.
- Revisit something you loved before kids, or try something totally new.
- Drop the guilt: your joy is worth the time.
Do One Thing Each Day That Excites You
This one might sound simple—but it’s everything.
Life moves fast in motherhood. Sometimes, we go through entire days without doing a single thing that lights us up. That’s where the resentment creeps in. That’s where we start to feel like we’re just moving through motions.
But what if you gave yourself just 15 minutes a day to do something that makes you feel alive?
It doesn’t have to be huge—maybe it’s putting on lipstick and dancing to Beyoncé in your kitchen. Maybe it’s journaling, listening to your favorite podcast while folding laundry, or making your fancy coffee instead of reheating the same mug three times. For me, I love ending my day with a great book. I am a high anxiety person so reading is one of the only things that actually clears my head and lets me focus on something else.
Try this:
- Ask yourself every morning: What’s one thing I’m doing today that’s just for me?
- Set a reminder if you need to. Treat it like an appointment—with your joy.
When you fill your own cup just a little each day, everything feels lighter.
You’re Still You—And That’s Worth Protecting
Motherhood is a beautiful identity, but it’s not your only one. You’re still you—a whole human being with passions, purpose, and personality.
And keeping that part of you alive? It’s not selfish. It’s the most loving thing you can do for yourself and your family.
So, try the new thing. Start the hobby. Make space for what lights you up.
Because your kids don’t just need you—they need a you who feels alive.
XOXO,
Allison
