I never thought that I would be a girl mom.
Don’t get me wrong – I yearned to have a girl, but just thought it would never happen since I exude so much female energy (haha) that I had enough for the whole family. I thought I was destined to be a boy mom forever. And I love being a boy mom, but I definitely wanted to experience both. Then, that wonderful day whenever I found out from my ultrasound that we were expecting little Blake, I could barely believe it.
Girls are different than boys, there is no denying this, and you must cater to them in different ways. My husband first started out expressing how he was nervous to have a girl because he knew how to handle boys – not a girl. He was worried about how to discipline her as she gets older and dealing with boys – normal stuff. But it got me thinking.
What are the things that I want to teach her? What kind of person do I want to help shape her to be? My mind swirled. And then there it was. That “oh crap” moment where everything shifted and I started thinking about all the negative things she might pick up from me. Or the things that I didn’t realize about myself until adulthood. I want her to face the world with confidence and a positive role model to mimic.
I don’t want to pass on my insecurities.
I’ve dealt with more insecurities over the years then I would care to admit. From worrying about my body, wearing the “right” clothes to the way that I was speaking – I’ve been through it all. It hasn’t been until adulthood that I have come into my own and been able to push my insecurities aside and actually be confident with the person that I am. I feel that I could teach this lesson to her over and over again, but she will only truly take in what she sees. And while I am confident on a daily basis, there are always those moments of feeling not just right that peak through. Those moments when I second guess myself to the point of not sticking up for myself, moments that I wish I handled differently. I hope that she never sees those moments and picks up on feeling that way, because I want her to be as strong and confident and believe in herself. Always.
I don’t want to pass along my control issues.
While no, I’m not controlling of other people, I do feel the need to have control over certain situations, getting places on time, going about things how I feel is the right way to do them. Yes, it’s a flaw that I wish I could let go of, but it’s a part of me – and one that I’m not super proud of.
I don’t want to pass along my fear of driving.
I know that everyone who knows me personally is silently going “hmmmhmmm.” Yes, I’ll admit it – driving scares the shit out of me. Especially in the city. I pretty much have a driver’s permit from every state we have lived in and I just can’t get myself to take the next step. I know that if we move out of the city that I will need to effing get behind the wheel, but in the meantime, I want Blake to be fearless about this and become a great, safe driver – like her Dad.
I don’t want to pass along my anxieties.
I guess this sort of goes hand in hand with my insecurities, but I don’t want her to see me getting anxious about things. I am very Type A when it comes to personalities and have trouble relaxing and tend to fret when it comes to pretty much everything until it all falls into place and I don’t want to pass that on. I want her to be strong in ways that I never could and take on life, worry-free.
I don’t want to pass along my need to always be right.
Another one that Chris would probably gasp at me actually admitting. So here I am, admitting that I like to be right. (But who doesn’t like to be right, really?) I guess my theory that I should be right comes from a place of research because I’m always looking things up and putting in the work before I come to any conclusions, but either way it’s not an attractive quality. I know that I still need to learn to let go sometimes, and I hope that she can, too.
Are there any things that you vowed not to pass along to your kids? I would love to hear!
Fashionably Yours,
Allison
Oh, I completely get this post. I never want to pass my insecurities or my perfectionism to my daughters. Being a perfectionist and caring about what people think of me has stopped me from doing a lot of things that I’ve wanted to do in life and created a lot of sadness and regret for me. I also want her to take care of herself first and foremost—get her nails done, get plenty of sleep, go to yoga and say NO whenever she wants to, without explaining why. I want her to love herself completely and honestly.
I totally understand the driving fear, however when my son was about 5 he very matter of factly stated he would have his drivers license before I got mine. That’s exactly what I needed to hear, I took lessons and got my license. Honestly though I have only driven in Manhatten twice.