Motherhood has taught me a lot—but unlearning has been just as important.
There are so many silent messages we’re handed the moment we become mothers. Messages about how we should act, what we should prioritize, and what success “should” look like. And while some of that advice comes from a good place, a lot of it isn’t helpful—or even healthy.
Over the years, I’ve had to gently unravel some of those beliefs in order to grow into the kind of mom (and woman) I actually want to be. Not the one who’s always perfect, always composed, or always self-sacrificing—but one who’s whole, growing, and human.
So today, I want to share 5 things I had to unlearn as a mom—and maybe you’ll see yourself in one (or all) of these, too.
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1. Being Exhausted = Being a Good Mom
We live in a culture that glorifies burnout. If you’re constantly tired, constantly giving, and constantly putting everyone else first—then you must be doing it “right,” right?
Wrong.
Being a good mom doesn’t mean running yourself into the ground. It doesn’t mean martyrdom. You’re allowed to rest. You’re allowed to ask for help. And you’re still a great mom if you don’t feel depleted 24/7.
Now, I honor rest as part of the work. I don’t see exhaustion as a badge of honor anymore—and that shift alone has been transformative.
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2. Asking for Help Means I’m Failing
I used to feel like if I couldn’t “do it all,” I wasn’t doing enough. Like asking for help somehow meant I was less capable or less maternal.
But motherhood isn’t meant to be a solo act. It’s overwhelming, emotional, and incredibly layered—and trying to do it without support only makes it harder.
I’ve learned to treat asking for help as a form of strength. Letting others in doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you know your limits and value your well-being. And you deserve support, just like your kids do.
3. I Have to Enjoy Every Moment
We’ve all heard it: “You’ll miss this someday.” “They grow up so fast.” “Soak up every minute.”
And while there’s truth to that, it can also feel like pressure. Because the reality is—not every moment is enjoyable. Some moments are exhausting. Some are lonely. Some are just plain hard.
I had to unlearn the idea that I had to cherish every second to be a grateful or “good” mom. Loving your kids deeply and still feeling overwhelmed by the chaos are not opposites. Both can exist at the same time.
Give yourself permission to be present—but not perfect.
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4. My Needs Come Last
I think many of us are taught this one from the moment we become moms: your needs are secondary now. And for a while, I believed it.
But here’s the truth: neglecting myself doesn’t make me a better mom—it just makes me a more tired, less fulfilled one.
When I started prioritizing things that made me feel alive—my work, my friendships, my hobbies—I became more patient, more energized, and more me. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Fill yours first. Not last.
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5. Motherhood Has to Look a Certain Way
Pinterest-perfect playrooms. Coordinated outfits. Structured schedules. Homemade snacks.
It’s easy to believe there’s a “right” way to do motherhood—but that’s a lie. There’s only the way that works for you.
Some days, motherhood in my house looks like messy buns and takeout. Other days it’s dance parties in the kitchen and quiet moments reading books. It doesn’t need to be polished—it needs to be real.
The more I unlearned the pressure to perform motherhood, the more joy I found in actually living it.
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Final Thoughts
Motherhood is a journey of constant becoming. And sometimes, the most powerful growth comes from letting go—not just adding more.
So if you’re reading this and feeling the weight of perfectionism, mom guilt, or comparison… just know: you’re not alone. We’re all unlearning something. We’re all figuring it out in real-time.
You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to love every moment. You just have to keep showing up—messy, real, and full of heart.
And that? That’s more than enough.
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XOXO,
Allison
