6 Lies the Internet Tells You About Fashion After 40
I turn 40 in October, and apparently somewhere along the way I was supposed to receive a list of all the things I’m no longer allowed to wear.
Mini skirts? Questionable.
Crop tops? Proceed with caution.
Trends I wore the first time around? Absolutely not.
And at some point, I’m also supposed to replace the fun parts of my closet with a perfectly curated capsule wardrobe consisting of neutral blazers, white button-downs and sensible investment pieces.
No, thank you.
The funny thing is, I’ve spent a huge portion of my life thinking about clothes.
I studied fashion. I lived in New York City. I worked in fashion. And long before I ever started talking about it here, clothes were one of the ways I expressed myself.
So as I get closer to 40, I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationship with fashion — what has changed, what hasn’t, and why I feel more excited about getting dressed now than I have in a long time.
And I keep coming back to one thing:
The older I get, the less interested I am in dressing according to someone else’s rules.
Especially these six.
Lie #1: If You Wore the Trend the First Time, You’re Too Old to Wear It When It Comes Back
This rule makes absolutely no sense to me.
Fashion is cyclical. Of course things are going to come back.
Ballet flats. Leopard print. Low-rise denim. Baggy jeans. Y2K-inspired everything.
Yes, I remember some of these trends the first time around.
That doesn’t disqualify me from wearing them now.
If anything, I think it gives us an advantage.
At 20, I was much more likely to wear something simply because it was fashionable. At almost 40, I’m much better at looking at a trend and asking: Do I actually like this? And if I do, how would I wear it as myself?
You don’t have to recreate the exact outfit you wore in 2003.
Take the part of the trend you love. Leave the rest.
Being old enough to remember a trend doesn’t make you too old to wear it.
Lie #2: Every Woman Over 40 Needs a Classic Capsule Wardrobe
There is a version of “fashion after 40” on the internet that seems to involve slowly removing all personality from your closet.
Suddenly everything is about timeless basics.
The perfect trench.
The perfect blazer.
The perfect white shirt.
The perfect straight-leg jean.
And listen, I love beautiful basics. A great blazer will forever have a place in my closet.
But I also love fashion.
I want leopard print. I want an incredible pair of shoes. I want something sparkly for absolutely no reason. I want a coat that makes an outfit instead of quietly complementing it.
Your wardrobe should reflect you, not a Pinterest checklist titled “10 Things Every Chic Woman Over 40 Owns.”
If a neutral capsule wardrobe genuinely makes you happy, build one.
But your closet does not need to become beige because you had a birthday.
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Lie #3: Luxury Pieces Are Only Worth Buying If They’re Timeless
This one might get me in trouble.
We hear so much about “investment pieces” and cost-per-wear that sometimes I think we forget something very important:
Fashion can be emotional.
Of course I believe in buying thoughtfully. I care about quality. I think about how often I’ll wear something. And I absolutely believe that buying fewer, better pieces can make sense.
But I don’t think every expensive purchase needs to be a black handbag you’ll carry for the next 25 years to be justified.
Sometimes you fall in love with the ridiculous shoe.
Or the bag in the impractical color.
Or the coat everyone tells you isn’t “timeless.”
And ten years later, that might still be the piece that makes you happiest when you pull it out of your closet.
Not everything we buy needs to pass some imaginary fashion ROI calculation.
Sometimes joy is part of the return on investment.
Lie #4: Once Your Body Changes, You Need to Start Dressing to Hide It
This is probably the one I feel most strongly about as I approach 40.
Because somewhere along the way, fashion advice for women starts sounding less like style advice and more like a list of body parts we need to conceal.
How to hide your stomach.
How to cover your arms.
How to disguise your hips.
How to look slimmer.
How to dress “flatteringly.”
Our bodies change. Mine has.
But I don’t want the next chapter of my relationship with clothes to revolve around figuring out how much of myself I can successfully hide.
I’m much more interested in asking:
How do I dress the body I have today in a way that makes me feel incredible?
Maybe that means changing the silhouettes I reach for.
Maybe something that worked five years ago doesn’t feel quite right anymore.
That’s okay.
There is a huge difference between adjusting the way you dress because your body and preferences have evolved and dressing from a place of believing your body needs to be disguised.
I’m choosing the first one.
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Lie #5: By 40, You Should Have Figured Out Your Personal Style
This might be my favorite lie because, by this logic, I should definitely have this figured out.
I studied fashion.
I worked in fashion.
I’ve been consuming fashion magazines, watching runways, shopping, styling outfits and paying attention to trends for most of my life.
And my personal style is still evolving.
Thank goodness.
The woman I was at 25 isn’t the woman I am at almost 40.
My body has changed. My lifestyle has changed. My priorities have changed. My confidence has changed.
Why wouldn’t my style change too?
There are things I wore ten years ago that I would never reach for today.
There are also things I wouldn’t have had the confidence to wear ten years ago that I can’t wait to wear now.
I don’t think turning 40 is the finish line for figuring yourself out.
Maybe it’s permission to reinvent yourself again.
And honestly, that’s one of the things I’m most excited about.
Lie #6: There Are Certain Things Women Over 40 Just Shouldn’t Wear
Ah, yes.
The big one.
Mini skirts.
Crop tops.
Over-the-knee boots.
Shorts that are “too short.”
Trends that are “too young.”
Anything tight.
Anything sexy.
Anything bold.
Anything that might cause someone somewhere on the internet to type, “She’s too old for that.”
Here’s the fashion rule I’m taking with me into my 40s:
I’m done asking, “Am I too old to wear this?”
Instead, I’m asking:
Do I feel like myself in it?
Because that’s the question I wish we encouraged women to ask more often.
Not whether something makes us look younger.
Not whether a stranger thinks it’s age-appropriate.
Not whether some arbitrary list on the internet says women over 40 should own it.
Do I love it?
Do I feel confident in it?
Does it feel like me?
Then I’m wearing it.
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Maybe Fashion After 40 Is Actually About Fewer Rules
There’s something ironic about getting older.
We’re told that our fashion choices should become more restricted at exactly the point in our lives when many of us finally have enough experience to stop caring quite so much about what everyone else thinks.
I’m not entering my 40s wanting to dress younger.
I want to dress more like myself.
And maybe that’s what this next chapter of fashion is going to be about for me.
Revisiting trends I once loved.
Trying things I never thought I could pull off.
Investing in beautiful pieces.
Making the occasional completely impractical purchase.
Getting rid of clothes that belong to a version of me that doesn’t exist anymore.
And figuring out who this version of me wants to be — one outfit at a time.
Because I’m not aging out of fashion.
I think I’m finally growing into my own.
