In Defense of my Glass of Wine at the End of the Night

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While there is definitely a wine culture that has evolved among moms, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing.

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A few weeks ago, a fellow mom friend posted on her Facebook page a question that I never considered before: why do moms always talk about wine? As I sat in bed that evening, cuddled in my favorite yoga pants with the baby sleeping in her crib just a few short feet away from me, admittedly clutching my stemless wine glass, I continued to scroll. She went on to discuss how she felt very saddened by the fact that us moms seemingly disliked parenting so much that we needed to numb ourselves, thus paralyzing our emotions to help us make it through the day.

I rolled my eyes a little bit and started to let it all process. I’m not one to weigh in on controversial Facebook chit chat, especially after I had actually consumed a glass of wine myself, but I felt my fingers pulsing and knew I needed to say something. I took a swig of my merlot and tried to craft a witty response. The more I typed, though, the more I realized that millennial moms love for wine isn’t about drinking, getting drunk, or numbing anything. In fact, it wasn’t really about drinking at all.

So, here’s what I wish I had replied to my friend:

1.Moms need wine, or more specifically, “wine talk” because it helps bring us all together. We live in a world where we are so disconnected, yet brought together by social media, that telling a fellow mom pal that you’re sending her “wine vibes” with a meme or that she “deserves a glass of wine tonight” is really just translated into an “I feel you, mama.” We need that support. We need to know that at the end of the day when we’re pulling our hair out, during the hardest mom moments, there is someone out there who gets us. It’s about camaraderie and taking a much deserved break. And I don’t think that any mom, ever, needs to apologize for that.

2. I do acknowledge, though, that there is a wine culture. Heck, maybe it’s even fueled by social media, movies and all that reality t.v. we’re all so addicted to. We see movies like Bad Moms sort of glamorize drunk moms, but I really don’t think that these moms who are talking about wanting a glass of wine are out drowning themselves in their favorite bottle of white or red night after night. I don’t know any moms with a babysitter on speed dial or that have a local bar where everybody knows her name. Nope. We’re all home (with an occasional girls night here and there), present, but tired, putting our kids to bed. Our families are the most important thing in the world and no matter how much we find ourselves dreaming of our favorite adult beverage, I don’t know anyone who would actually use that as a crutch to block it all out.

3. We’re flat out overwhelmed some days and having that wine to look forward to helps us push through. Honestly, by the time 5pm rolls around every single day, not only have I probably not sat still for more than 5 minutes (ahem, toddler), but I’m on the way home from the bus stop with said toddler and my older son. Do you know what it takes out of me just to get to the damn bus stop? I’ll tell you: I have to bundle her up, put my coat on, fill the stroller with all the toddler things I’ll need in case the bus is late, walk the stroller to the elevator in our building, carry said toddler and the stroller over my shoulders to walk down our 10 front entrance steps and then buckle her in for the 4 block walk to and from. When I get home with two children, I’m now outnumbered until my husband gets home, during the “witching hours” (translation: the hours when we do the homework/bath/dinner tango). You best bet that I’m ready to pour myself a glass of wine – or at least bitch about how I need one with my mom friends.

4. We need that glass of wine because our name has been called a million times today. We know we’re supposed to enjoy all the moments. And we know that time flies, but that doesn’t erase the fact that being a mom is tough shit. We’re in the motherhood trenches and doing the ultimate juggling act every single day (and rocking it), but some days are just harder than others. Even if we have the most supportive partner in the world, so much of the daily emotional labor falls on moms, and it’s overwhelming. If we need a glass of wine (or two) here and there, or need to to vent about needing a glass of wine the size of our heads, it’s okay.

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5. The biggest point of them all is that it’s not really about the wine, but what the wine stands for: me time. It’s different for all of us and you can insert time with your husband, spinning class, a hot bath – whatever – here, but it all boils down to just needing that adult time we crave. And no wonder. We get so little of it. If you think about your life before kids, you realize that you had so much of it. So now, this wine, this grown up drink becomes symbolic of that. Each day, you earn this little sliver of time. You look forward to it. Sometimes, if you’re anything like me, you count down the minutes to it.

6. Sometimes we need it to celebrate, and I love celebrating the little things. Hey, if I want to pop some bubbly because I somehow got both kids to sleep before 8pm, it’s all good.

Seriously, the wine talk isn’t just because we forgot to hydrate all day and we’re thirsty. Nope, it’s because we’re human and need to unwind, and that’s a good enough answer for me.

What are your thoughts, mama?

XOXO,

Allison