The School System Is Crushing My Son’s Spirit

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When I think about my childhood, specifically whenever it comes to being in elementary school, the only words that I can use to describe it really is, “the best.” I was out of school by 3:15pm every day, got the bus at 8am and was home to run the neighborhood with my friends by 4pm – at the very latest. Homework was far, few and in between, mostly done in the form of fun projects that we were given a lengthy amount of time to work on, and I always brought home really cool things we did in school to show my parents that I was so proud of.

Fast-forward to now. As a parent, that’s the same experience that I want for my children, but Branden is really struggling to the point where I know with every fiber in my being that the school system and their harsh ways with grewling curriculum is really crushing Branden’s spirit. I’m at a loss. I cry for him. And I’m honestly not really sure what to do, so I’m writing about it.

Branden, our 9-year-old son is generally a really happy kid. He loves to swim, ride his bike, play with friends at the park, and much like every other boy his age – is addicted to his Xbox. But lately, he’s pretty much turning into a kid that is overworked and has completely had it, so he’s acting out. I’ve been sharing our story for the past few weeks over on Instagram, but I’ll catch you all up here, too.

When Branden was in kindergarten, he got accepted into an amazing charter school, top rated and we could find nothing bad to say about the staff, program and the past test scores. We were seriously overjoyed to get the news of his lottery acceptance because it’s hard to get into a school that you want in NYC and the elementary school that we are sectioned for has a bad reputation. And in all honesty, we couldn’t afford to pay for a private school with tuition rates through the roof – let alone have the time that would take him daily to get to one because of where we live and both me and my husband working. So we signed a huge sigh of relief and praised God for this acceptance. Plus, the school was only a few blocks from our home.

By the time second grade rolled around, he was already getting at least 45 minutes of homework each night, but we brushed it off because we truly loved the school, the community and had a great relationship with his teachers each year. But starting in third grade, they had outgrown the building and moved the school to an area that he had to be bussed to each day and was not exactly near public transportation. Sticking with the school meant that he would have to leave for the bus stop every day by 6:50am, get home at 5:15pm and then at least an hour of homework each night on top of that. I also wouldn’t be able to be nearly as involved because of the distance, but we decided to stick with it because our alternatives were not great.

So basically, he was “working” the same as a full time adult, to put it into perspective. More if you don’t have to leave for work until 8:30am to get there for your 9-5…but I digress.

This was when I started to see a shift in him. He was exhausted, rude to people as a way of acting out, would protest against his homework and I was constantly getting calls from his teacher. His grades started to decline, even though every teacher that has taught him comments about his potential, but he just has no interest in applying himself. It’s really hard to watch as a parent because I, of course, see it, too. I just want him to be happy and in a program that is less hours, more project-based and a little bit more fun. Is that so much to ask for?

His school is extremely curriculum focused and just a few weekends ago, turned a scheduled half day before spring break (which we were keeping him home from because we had family visiting) to a full day – because they decided they wanted more test prep for state exams. My poor kid is so overworked and I feel like he is starting to hate the idea of learning because of how everything has unfolded.

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Our boy does love to read and dreams of being a writer and illustrator – something that makes my heart burst at the seems. It all makes me wonder if there is another way to get through to our children than working them like this. And I know that teachers are overworked, too, and doing the best they can.

For now, we just have to wait and get through the rest of this school year – just a few more months. We’ll be moving out of the city (probably to New Jersey) in the summer and plan on checking out a few schools in our area to hopefully find one that’s the right fit for him. Hopefully, there will be more options and flexibility in the suburbs. If not, I am considering homeschooling, but it’s very daunting to me being a work from home mom and the fact that Branden isn’t really self-motivated enough to follow through with assignments on his own.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

But I just wanted to pour my heart out a little bit about this issue and see what you all thought, too, mom to mom – because we could use some words of encouragement.

XOXO

Allison