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[My wonderful blog editor (after much coaxing on my part) has finally agreed to do a monthly guest blog post! I truly believe that behind every great writer is an even more magnificent editor. I am beyond enthusiastic to have her on board with me for this PROJECT. I hope that you enjoy this as much as I do! You can find more information about Deborah by clicking here.]
As February winds down, we can finally put the month of “romance” to rest for another year. And, thank goodness, I can hear many of you saying, whether you are a wife, a mother, a girl friend, and/or a lover…any sort of woman who deals with a man in her life. Or maybe you ARE a man, reading this wonderful blog about women who love fashion and motherhood.
These unromantic sentiments may surprise those who posted on Facebook about their gorgeous Valentine’s flowers or their shiny new bling from their lover or their husband or their sexy new fling. But the truth is, there were many women out there who were not sighing on Valentine’s Day, but CRYING! I would even go so far as to say that more women cry on Valentine’s Day than on any other day of the year!
And I am not just talking about women who are unattached on Valentines Day. In fact, for many women, being alone on VDay is a far better scenario than having a significant other or even a brand new guy they’ve just started dating disappoint them on the big day.
This can happen no matter how much a woman tries to ratchet down any expectations as she approaches the much-hyped day. The internal dialog as she waits with trepidation for 2/14 goes something like this: “It’s just a commercial invention”, “He proves his love for me every single day”, “He has so much on his mind right now that I don’t expect anything of him”, and on and on. And no matter how much women tell themselves this, all deals and rational thoughts are off as the minutes of February the Fourteenth slowly tick by.
Women DO expect something on Valentine’s Day, no matter what they say. In fact, they want something IN SPITE OF what they say. Women really, really want their man to KNOW this intuitively. And they want their man to show them that they are special, without having to grovel for it, or God forbid, without having to give a major hint by gifting their guy FIRST for Valentine’s Day. So guys, if you are listening, you must remember that all sense of equilibrium that your woman usually possesses goes bye-bye on the big Day.
This Valentine’s Day, I found myself in a unique situation…I was out of town visiting my daughter and away from my husband of many years. And my daughter was in a different city than her boy friend. Things like that happen, especially with a mid-week holiday, right? And we, as fabulous women, take this in stride, of course!
Adaptive creatures that we are, my daughter and I intentionally decided to go grocery shopping that evening and grab our dinner at the Whole Foods café, so we could avoid all the cute little couples crowding every restaurant in the city.
But then, once we left her apartment, a sociological study appeared right before our eyes, whether we wanted to see it, or not. And that was the clear and visible sight that two out of three men walking down the busy streets of Philadelphia early that evening were carrying bouquets. And mostly Big Ass Bouquets, at that!
Even more interesting, once we got inside Whole Foods, there were bouquets for sale literally EVERYWHERE. And now, we could see that at least 8 out of 10 guys already had flowers OR were actively grabbing flowers to put in their cart. And, then came the biggest revelation, which was the amount of time these guys spent choosing these flowers…literally .0005 seconds! Just as long as it took to reach out, grab ‘em, and throw ‘em in!
So what is my advice to our male readers about these observed events?
(Yes, guys, reading Ali’s blog will definitely help you understand our inner workings, even though world renowned physicist Steven Hawking thinks women are the universe’s biggest mystery! You always wanted to be smarter than him, right?)
- Don’t even think of telling your wife or girl friend that you didn’t have time! (Remember that the cat is out of the bag and .0005 seconds is the number!)
- Also remember that if you can see all these dudes carrying flowers, so can she! Can you blame your woman for being pissed, no matter how cool she is, when she is forced to imagine all the other girls receiving gifts and hearts and flowers and she has nothing? And she has to put up with all the flaunting on Facebook? Your woman does NOT like to think that there are other women out there who deserve better than she. At all!
- As silly as you think it is, you need to do something. Anything. Without her asking.
- And, if you screw it up, LATE is definitely better than never. Even if it is the next day. And making up might be fun, too!
The above is relevant to any woman you love, but note especially, the mother of your children is one woman you don’t want to forget on this special day for love. It will be a great reminder for her of why she works so hard for your family every single day, even when it doesn’t feel romantic at all!
The real truth is no woman really cares if it only takes you .0005 seconds. What matters is that you show her that you care about how she feels. And that you don’t want to be one of the guys whose woman is crying on Valentine’s Day. So, remember, when it comes to Valentines Day, you can run, but you can’t hide.
Deborah H. Catanese
Oh, that this marvelous article could appear in SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, where more men would read it. Perhaps they would take on bouquet buying as a competitive sport: “can I
beat .0005 seconds?” But then our homes would be inundated with flowers year round and come Feb 14 we’d be looking for jewelry instead!
Unexpected benefit, or ulterior motive? hahaha, the author isn’t talking!
But, I will say thanks for the support and the kindred sense of humor as always, Laurie! Love, Deborah