THIS has been one of the dilemmas in my life right now.
I GET that I am a young mother and that I’m the odd mom out who isn’t your typically NYC Mom with a Nanny on each arm at all times. But for goodness sakes, why can’t people just keep these comments to themselves?
I have to say that I pride myself on a being a pretty hands on mom. We don’t have much help here in the city and very rarely have a babysitter handy. During the school year, all of my business meetings, all of my writing, events, important phone calls, etc. happen during school hours. If I attend something in the evening, my husband comes home and is with Branden whenever I run out – it’s just the way it is in our household. So on recent days whenever I’m running around with B, since he’s on summer break, and I get asked if I’m the nanny, it stings.
But, the nanny talk went to a whole new level last week…
You see, B attends karate class in the notorious neighborhood of The Upper East Side (think Odd Mom Out, in Caps), and yes – many of the kids are brought to class by nanny’s, not their moms. I walk in every Thursday night with my little guy in tow and sit and watch class and enjoy seeing him progress. I’m involved, unlike a lot of the other moms – not to judge, but it’s the truth.
For some reason, Branden’s karate teacher cannot remember that I am NOT the nanny. Every week I get slammed with a new question that makes me want to ring his neck, but last week I was simply asked, “Oh, are you a live-in?”
GASP!
A live-in? It didn’t register at first, but then I finally caught on that he was asking if I lived with Branden’s family. Nope, I am the head of Branden’s family, I wanted to respond.
I guess it all just circles back to that pre-school learned phrase “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” You really don’t realize sometimes how your choice of words can affect the people around you. While New York City culture is just different than anywhere else, to say the least, and nanny’s are the norm – it’s not my norm. I guess I’m not your typical New Yorker, and I’m okay with that, but getting this question thrown in my face from so many different places is just plain frustrating.
Motherhood is always going to be a bumpy road no matter where you live. There will always be some sort of thorn in your side type of comment that you can sense coming from a mile away, and we grin and bear it. But the beauty of motherhood is how we handle ourselves and move forward. The nanny comment is my thorn, and I will probably get asked this question 10 more times (not including Thursday night karate) before summer is through, but I’m trying to look at the positive. Hopefully whenever I turn 40 I’m still getting asked this same question. A girl can dream, right?
What’s your thorn in your side comment that gets thrown your way repeatedly?
Fashionably Yours,
Allison
Wow, it’s so sad that in 2015 people still feel so comfortable just saying anything. I’m married to a DJ and people always assume our house is one big party. Lol! It was fun at first but now it’s so annoying.
UGH I hate comments like this. Mine is are they twins – referring to my sons that are 2 years apart. My middle son is very small for his age and people constantly think he is much younger than he is. He is used to the question now bc every where we go someones asks but for awhile he got so upset and would cry when someone asked.
Instead of being bothered, try viewing it as a teachable moment.
“No, I’m not the nanny. I chose to be a parent, instead.”
Or something like that?
Comments like that make me try hard not to do it back to others.. My thorn is that we have twins so always get the “do twins run in your family”. They are basically trying to figure if we conceived naturally. Nobody’s business but it is a common question to a parent of multiples.
I totally understand how you feel. Motherhood is not an easy task and I admire you for being keeping your cool despite some not so nice side comments. Hang in there.
I don’t think I get any of those types of comments. I almost wish I did; it should mean I was getting out more than I am…hahaha.
It’s amazing how quick people are to judge. Moms come in all shapes and sizes and ages! You look gorgeous and are clearly a mom who loves every moment of motherhood and rejoices in being a part of everything that your little guys. I’ve been that way with my 3 girls and I wouldn’t change of thing… As for my thorn, I hate when people assume I share the same political views as they do and start making blatantly disrespectful comments about an issue when I in fact, disagree with their position.
Hi Allison–Love your blog! Coming from LA, I have been in your shoes, often being the only mom present in a room full of nannies (at the library/story time and other kids events). Whenever someone hits you with an unpleasant comment or statement, just remember how lucky you are and how awesome it is that you are spending this quality time with your son. It’s something you will always remember!
The first couple times I wouldn’t so much care, but if it’s a weekly thing, maybe it is time to “make sure that teacher remembers”. I would flat out say … as I’ve told you each week I am not a nanny. I am his mom. I would appreciate it if you would refer to me as such.
People can be so rude and unaware of how they come across. You should be proud that you are so involved with your child and I know it is making the biggest difference for him as well. Those comments would annoy me too. My son has a disability and we have heard a lot of unkind comments over the years. People just don’t see outside of themselves sometimes.